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Where I 'splain how to make it good
Nov. 14th, 2007 07:07 amWhile skimming the old blog roll this morning, I came across a post on the wretched Catwoman movie. Where I learned that there was actually a first draft of the script that was WORSE than the finished, filmed product. Bizarre.
But this has inspired me to do a new semi-regular feature. LurkerWithout Tells You How To Fix Your Movie. Yes thats right. I'll tell Hollywood what needs to be done to take some craptacular Razzie award winner, Rotten Tomato stinker, fan derided movie and make it good. Because I'm such a nice guy...
So obviously we'll be starting with Catwoman. First new cast. Because I'd prefer people who can, you know act. We'll even leave the same basic three leads. Catwoman. Cop chasing Catwoman. Evil female crime boss.
So for Selina. Race doesn't matter. The actresses' ability to sell being a martial artist who runs around leaping from rooftops is. So I'm going to say Gina Torres (of Firefly and Alias). Gina can definately pull of being sexy AND bad ass...
Next the cop. We'll stick with a L&O vet, but go with Dennis Farrina. Because he makes a cooler cop...
And for the female villain? I'll say Edie Falco. Mostly because after all those years of dealing with Tony she deserves a chance to whack some goombas of her own...
Now to the plot!
Selina arrives in city. She steals stuff. Cops look like chumps. Selina hangs with criminals. Selina is betrayed by Crime Boss Lady. Selina is captured (possibly have friend/romantic interest hurt) but escapes. Selina goes after Crime Boss Lady, gets her and all her people caught by cops. Selina escapes with all of money (possibly with hurt friend/romantic interest who's hospital bed is empty despite police guards). Boss Lady fumes in jail, Cop vows to capture master criminal, Selina celebrates victory (possibly with friend/romantic interest). Roll Credits...
But this has inspired me to do a new semi-regular feature. LurkerWithout Tells You How To Fix Your Movie. Yes thats right. I'll tell Hollywood what needs to be done to take some craptacular Razzie award winner, Rotten Tomato stinker, fan derided movie and make it good. Because I'm such a nice guy...
So obviously we'll be starting with Catwoman. First new cast. Because I'd prefer people who can, you know act. We'll even leave the same basic three leads. Catwoman. Cop chasing Catwoman. Evil female crime boss.
So for Selina. Race doesn't matter. The actresses' ability to sell being a martial artist who runs around leaping from rooftops is. So I'm going to say Gina Torres (of Firefly and Alias). Gina can definately pull of being sexy AND bad ass...
Next the cop. We'll stick with a L&O vet, but go with Dennis Farrina. Because he makes a cooler cop...
And for the female villain? I'll say Edie Falco. Mostly because after all those years of dealing with Tony she deserves a chance to whack some goombas of her own...
Now to the plot!
Selina arrives in city. She steals stuff. Cops look like chumps. Selina hangs with criminals. Selina is betrayed by Crime Boss Lady. Selina is captured (possibly have friend/romantic interest hurt) but escapes. Selina goes after Crime Boss Lady, gets her and all her people caught by cops. Selina escapes with all of money (possibly with hurt friend/romantic interest who's hospital bed is empty despite police guards). Boss Lady fumes in jail, Cop vows to capture master criminal, Selina celebrates victory (possibly with friend/romantic interest). Roll Credits...
