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Nov. 23rd, 2007
How to make it good: Star Wars 3
Nov. 23rd, 2007 04:35 amAnd we come to the final arc in this act of self-indulgence. At least for this particular crap movie franchise. Star Wars: Episode 3: Rise of the Sith? Revenge of the Sith? It was something of the Sith right? As you may guess from my inability to even remember the full title, I didn't bother seeing this one. Just like with other crap trilogies, when I get burned twice I'm smart enough to NOT give it anymore of my time or money. I think I've seen the lava fight on HBO...
I have read recaps and detailed reviews, so I have SOME idea of what happened. So lets get to the fixin'...
The 3rd installment opens with the crawl of course, recapping that the Clone Wars have been going on for close to a decade. In that time the war time empowered High Chancellor i.e. Palpatine has been leading the Core Worlds of the Republic away from the rule of the Senate and the advice of the Jedi. He's also pushed a very anti-alien/droid agenda. Pretty easy given that only CountDookuNex of the major Clone/TF forces is actually human. Palpatine has also been cementing his hold on Anakin, straining the still young Jedi, pilot and war hero's relationship with his wife, ex-Queen and current Republican war leader. Anakin barely considers himself a Jedi at this point, falling under Palpatine's whole "Pompous, Aristocratic Alien Overlord" spiel...
But despite the fact that thru his minion Nex, Palpatine almost runs the Clone forces, the Republic is on its final push to victory. Giving a nice big battle sequence to kick things off. You get to see the Republic's new weapons in action, stuff like TIE fighters and AT-AT walkers. Plus Clone and Robot Troopers vs. the proto Storm Troopers they used in the real prequel. Lots of hero spots for characters like Anakin, Kenobi, Amydala, Bail and various Jedi. Especially as they go up against Count Nex and his general the bad ass cyborg Grevious...
After several difficult fights, the Clone/TF leaders are dead or captured and the Republic is at peace again. But Palpatine doesn't seem in any hurry to give up his war-time powers. He keeps people paranoid with talk of secret clones and enemy infiltration at the highest levels and so on. At this point the Jedi Council FINALLY begins to wise up that MAYBE Palpatine is the Big Bad Sith Lord. Annie and Amy's relationship is very much on the rocks at this point and she's been going to Obi Wan for advice. She confides that she has finally gotten pregnant but that she's been hiding it from Annie because of his allegiance to Palpatine. Kenobi tells her to confide in her husband, and that he's still a good person. They hug and part...
Palpatine shows Annie an edited version of the conversation, making it seem like Amy and Kenobi are having an affair. He goes all crazy with jealousy and goes to meet his wife. At the same time the Jedi High Council decides to confront Palpatine and remove him from office if neccesary. The whole lot of them (including Mace and Yoda) go off to the ship yards where Big Bad is watching the construction of his new Star Destroyer class ship. Big speeches on freedom and justice vs. Palpatine talking about people needing tyranny to be safe or something. You know the stuff. The Jedi all whip out blades and demand Palpatine step-down. He just laughs and begins unleashing the Darkside Lightnings, while at the same time hidden snipers led by a rebuilt and combined Grevious/NEx open fire on the Jedi. Mace and Yoda almost manage to win thru, only for Gre'Nex and Mace to die fighting each other. Yoda tries to stand against Palpatine but is forced to flee. As Palps unleashes the Darkside Hoodoo, you can see him slowly withering from it. As the last of the Jedi High Council retreats, Palpatine gives the order to enact whatever the Kill All The Jedi thing was...
But back with Annie, he and Amy meet. She tries to convince him to turn from the Darkside, but he basically calls her a cheating slut and so on. Just as he hits her in a rage, Kenobi shows up and tries to stop his former pupil. Things get escalate and the two start trashing the building around them. Amy tries to stop her husband, but he knocks her back and she falls off a ledge or something. Both Jedi look on in horror as she falls. Blaming Kenobi, Anakin goes on the attack. The two eventually end at the Lava Factory where you get the big Fight In Lava sequence, ending with Annie mostly burned. And he'll get rescued by...um...who haven't I used? Oh yeah, the Traitor/Body Guard/Former Amy Double. So she rescues the near dead Annie and takes him to Palpatines technicians...
Yoda, Kenobi and Bail meet up to try and make a plan to deal with Palpatine. They also find that Amy isn't dead, Plucky Droid got to her and dragged her to the medical droids. Sadly she still dies from her injuries after giving birth to the twins. She lives long enough to name them and ask her friends to protect them from their father. The three agree and she dies. Thats when Yoda and Kenobi sense the murder of the various Jedi on Coruscant and elsewhere. When Plucky Droid confirms it, Bail tells the two Jedi they have to escape. Kenobi says he'll take Luke into hiding, while Bail says he'll hide Leia as a member of his family on Alderaan. They split up, with the Jedi barely escaping more of Palpatine's killers...
Then back to Annie, who is cyborged into Vader-form by Palpatine's science dudes. They explain that his memory is all screwed up from the injuries and shock and stuff. Palpatine then tells Annie that his wife is dead, killed because of the Jedi interferance. Annie goes nuts, destroys most of the lab and lots of science guys and Traitor Bodyguard Double. Who dies crushed under stuff pleading for Palpatine to save her. Who just watches her die with some kind of curious nochalance. Eventually Annie's rage is calmed by his Master, who gives him his new name Darth Vader and sends him out to hunt down the last remaining Jedi...
The movie ends with Bail arriving on Alderaan with Leia and his family agreeing to pretend she was always theirs. And Kenobi landing on Tattoine to hand Luke over to his uncle and then go off to be a Old Ben the Hermit. And then of course a final shot of Vader all imposed over stars. Roll credits...
I have read recaps and detailed reviews, so I have SOME idea of what happened. So lets get to the fixin'...
The 3rd installment opens with the crawl of course, recapping that the Clone Wars have been going on for close to a decade. In that time the war time empowered High Chancellor i.e. Palpatine has been leading the Core Worlds of the Republic away from the rule of the Senate and the advice of the Jedi. He's also pushed a very anti-alien/droid agenda. Pretty easy given that only Count
But despite the fact that thru his minion Nex, Palpatine almost runs the Clone forces, the Republic is on its final push to victory. Giving a nice big battle sequence to kick things off. You get to see the Republic's new weapons in action, stuff like TIE fighters and AT-AT walkers. Plus Clone and Robot Troopers vs. the proto Storm Troopers they used in the real prequel. Lots of hero spots for characters like Anakin, Kenobi, Amydala, Bail and various Jedi. Especially as they go up against Count Nex and his general the bad ass cyborg Grevious...
After several difficult fights, the Clone/TF leaders are dead or captured and the Republic is at peace again. But Palpatine doesn't seem in any hurry to give up his war-time powers. He keeps people paranoid with talk of secret clones and enemy infiltration at the highest levels and so on. At this point the Jedi Council FINALLY begins to wise up that MAYBE Palpatine is the Big Bad Sith Lord. Annie and Amy's relationship is very much on the rocks at this point and she's been going to Obi Wan for advice. She confides that she has finally gotten pregnant but that she's been hiding it from Annie because of his allegiance to Palpatine. Kenobi tells her to confide in her husband, and that he's still a good person. They hug and part...
Palpatine shows Annie an edited version of the conversation, making it seem like Amy and Kenobi are having an affair. He goes all crazy with jealousy and goes to meet his wife. At the same time the Jedi High Council decides to confront Palpatine and remove him from office if neccesary. The whole lot of them (including Mace and Yoda) go off to the ship yards where Big Bad is watching the construction of his new Star Destroyer class ship. Big speeches on freedom and justice vs. Palpatine talking about people needing tyranny to be safe or something. You know the stuff. The Jedi all whip out blades and demand Palpatine step-down. He just laughs and begins unleashing the Darkside Lightnings, while at the same time hidden snipers led by a rebuilt and combined Grevious/NEx open fire on the Jedi. Mace and Yoda almost manage to win thru, only for Gre'Nex and Mace to die fighting each other. Yoda tries to stand against Palpatine but is forced to flee. As Palps unleashes the Darkside Hoodoo, you can see him slowly withering from it. As the last of the Jedi High Council retreats, Palpatine gives the order to enact whatever the Kill All The Jedi thing was...
But back with Annie, he and Amy meet. She tries to convince him to turn from the Darkside, but he basically calls her a cheating slut and so on. Just as he hits her in a rage, Kenobi shows up and tries to stop his former pupil. Things get escalate and the two start trashing the building around them. Amy tries to stop her husband, but he knocks her back and she falls off a ledge or something. Both Jedi look on in horror as she falls. Blaming Kenobi, Anakin goes on the attack. The two eventually end at the Lava Factory where you get the big Fight In Lava sequence, ending with Annie mostly burned. And he'll get rescued by...um...who haven't I used? Oh yeah, the Traitor/Body Guard/Former Amy Double. So she rescues the near dead Annie and takes him to Palpatines technicians...
Yoda, Kenobi and Bail meet up to try and make a plan to deal with Palpatine. They also find that Amy isn't dead, Plucky Droid got to her and dragged her to the medical droids. Sadly she still dies from her injuries after giving birth to the twins. She lives long enough to name them and ask her friends to protect them from their father. The three agree and she dies. Thats when Yoda and Kenobi sense the murder of the various Jedi on Coruscant and elsewhere. When Plucky Droid confirms it, Bail tells the two Jedi they have to escape. Kenobi says he'll take Luke into hiding, while Bail says he'll hide Leia as a member of his family on Alderaan. They split up, with the Jedi barely escaping more of Palpatine's killers...
Then back to Annie, who is cyborged into Vader-form by Palpatine's science dudes. They explain that his memory is all screwed up from the injuries and shock and stuff. Palpatine then tells Annie that his wife is dead, killed because of the Jedi interferance. Annie goes nuts, destroys most of the lab and lots of science guys and Traitor Bodyguard Double. Who dies crushed under stuff pleading for Palpatine to save her. Who just watches her die with some kind of curious nochalance. Eventually Annie's rage is calmed by his Master, who gives him his new name Darth Vader and sends him out to hunt down the last remaining Jedi...
The movie ends with Bail arriving on Alderaan with Leia and his family agreeing to pretend she was always theirs. And Kenobi landing on Tattoine to hand Luke over to his uncle and then go off to be a Old Ben the Hermit. And then of course a final shot of Vader all imposed over stars. Roll credits...
