lurkerwithout | And to think this all started with Jesus getting all handsey

The old Pope looks like he’d adopt you and teach you kung fu. The new Pope looks like at any moment he might suddenly start eating people. Which would suck because at first you’d be all “Wow. That was unexpected. But the Pope is infallible so…maybe he’s supposed to be eating those people?” If I were there I’d hang around to see exactly who he was eating before I made a judgement because I’m open-minded. But if he like ate a baby duck or a kitten I’d be all “This dude’s bonkers” and I’d totally bail. That’s why if I ever go see the Pope I’m bringing a test kitten with me so I can toss it at him if he starts eating people. And also because everyone loves kittens and he’d be all “Oh! You have a kitten! Come up here and sit with me” and I’d be like ”So there, Catholics. I didn’t even go to Catechism and I get to sit with the Pope. Maybe you should have spent a little less time not liking condoms and a little more time breeding kittens” and then I’d turn around and the kitten would be hanging out of the Pope’s mouth and I’d be all “Well, shit“. And that’s totally what would happen because God hates hubris. That’s why I’d bring someone else’s kitten. An expendable kitten. Also, I just realized that maybe the Pope would be eating kittens and people not because he’s an angry cannibal but maybe because he accidentally got turned into a zombie. And now I just feel sorry for him.