How to make Ep3 not suck.

[lurkerwithout]

Ok, heres how to make this movie not suck. First off, fuck continuity with the next three. That ships already been pillaged, blown up and sunk to the bottom of the sea by the prequels and "fixed" versions.

So have Queen/President/Whatever Amadolly knock da boots with Mace. Mace is the secret father of Luke & Leia. Anakin the Whiny dons the Vader armor, tries to be badd ass but is still to whiny. So Mace steps up as baddest mofo in all the Galaxy and slices Anny up.

Then Mace dons the armor and becomes Vader. Then Vader goes and kills all the Jedi. Except for Obi Wan and Yoda who hide out in caves.

Plus this explains why Vader doesn't remember Tatooine or the droids. They mean nothing to Mace.

Ta da!

Non suckitude.

Comments

[silver-u-glass.livejournal.com]

As an added bonus it would mean that using James Earl Jones' voice for Vader makes more sense.

I like your plan, but can we add horrific deaths for Jar Jar and whoever came up with medicholreans?

Medicholreans!

[upononcehappend.livejournal.com]

Yeah man I'm gonna go inject a bucket of chlorine into myself so I can have mad Jedi Skillz like Yoda. Thank you Lucas for releasing the secret of the jedi, now I can roxxorz too!

Re: Medicholreans!

[silver-u-glass.livejournal.com]

Yup I can imagine the planning meeting:

Lackey: So George, I guess we're going to have to put something about Anakin being powerful right? How about something that echos Yoda's line about Luke being strong in the Force? I mean that would work with all the other parallels you're going to draw between father and son, right?
George: Nope, I'm going to make some shit up about a weird neurotransmitter or something then claim it was the plan the whole time. That'll piss the fanboys right off."
Lackey: But uh... Great plan boss! God that's worse than the whole shooting second thing, note to self update my CV and run like hell.

[lurkerwithout.livejournal.com]

Jar Jar will flee from Rebel assassins, who are determined to kill the stupid twit after he was TRICKED into creating the fucking Empire! He'll land on some out of the way forest moon and then be eaten by ewoks.

Who will feel ill and gassy for a couple days but recover.

Midichlorians only exsist as a word to be carved into the bat I hit Lucas upside the head with.

[crazed-nut.livejournal.com]

Actually I like the idea of Mace being their dad but Anakin still being Vader.

Bear with me here

Anakin gets all poed that Mace got it on with Padme. So he figures that Padme had some jungle fever or something and dons the Black Armor.

Would be like reverse of the Chasing Amy scene "Deep down we all want to be white" ;)