This is totally what the next movie should be like

"I see," said Reginald. "Right, then. Gather close." He picked up a muddy stick with one of his stubby little arms and found a big flat rock. Brian and me leaned in. Because I was not blowing hot air up Reginald's butt, or whatever alligators have instead of a butt, when I told him that I am an undistractable killing machine. I have great control of my attention. It's like that one time a few minutes ago when I was able to ignore all the unimportant talky crap and get right down to the important part of the situation at hand, which is to say, dude, bad guys get hovercrafts? Because that is, like, way on the unfair side of things. I am part of the government and that means that I am one of the good guys, and I don't get my own hovercraft. I guess what they always tell you is true: Evil guys get all the cool vehicles. Like with the G.I. Joes that Dr. Lee used to bring into the lab in some kind of weird attempt to teach me principles of human interaction and crap. You got the Joe guys driving around in, like, F-16s or something, but the Cobra dudes got these super-radical futuristic space tanks with laser cannons on them. You know who else was awesome? That bad guy who turned green when you put him in the sun. You know how many Joes turned green when you put them in the sun? Zilch. Oh, and there was Destro whose head was all shiny. Maybe because he dipped it in molten silver at some point. Or maybe it was a prosthetic head after his real head got cut off. There is not one single G.I. Joe guy who is that awesome, except maybe Snake Eyes, who is an official ninja for the U.S. Government, and that is the coolest job description in the entire world. Anyway, Snake Eyes is always fighting Storm Shadow, who is the official ninja for Cobra, and since they're each the most badass people on their respective sides, they should go off and continue their private war in some place far away, like on top of a snowy mountain or something. And then, after a long time of fighting each other, they would realize that they're more the same than they are different and then they would totally have hot sex. It would be boss, because what's better than ninjas? The answer: hot gay ninjas totally doing each other.

Because shaenon is the smart. Expecially the talking alligator...