lurkerwithout | Aug. 26th, 2006

You know most days I really feel like I've got my temper under control. I can't recall any occasions since I was 12 or 13 where I reacted violently to something. Which is good, since I'd fly off the handle at the smallest, most meaningless shit. Trying to kick in my little brother's ribs because he hit me with a pebble. Trying to bash my friend Jeremy's head against the wall in the locker room for reasons I can't remember. Or trying to strangle him outside of shop class another time. Also for reasons I could barely remember afterwards. The only reason I never really hurt anyone (though I came real close with my brother, who I've always outweighed by a lot) is because I really SUCKED at fighting...

But sometimes, someone just infuriates me. Its like my head gets full of bees. That are on fire. And all I can think about is how much I want just hurt them. Like the bodybuilder who was staying at the Days Inn who just kept getting in my face about the shuttle service and who I was a hair's bredth from hitting in the face with the credit card imprinter. Or the guest tonight, who had me call him a cab, then decided he didn't want when it got there and wanted me to "take care of it" for him. I wanted to go to his fucking room, drag him outside and kick six kinds of shit out of him...

So I guess I do have it under control. My head still hurts though. And I want to do something petty and vindictive like give the room a wake-up call at 7:30...